As a mother getting time alone is precious. It’s such a rarity because you are always on high demand for everything all the time. Often even going to the bathroom isn’t necessarily alone time because inevitably someone is knocking on the door needing your attention. If you’re lucky enough to actually get a moment, although it may be short-lived, it is quite blissful. I remember longing for and treasuring such moments whenever they did occur.
When I first became a single parent though and my kids were gone with their dad for hours, days and even weeks at a time, I experienced a new kind of alone that wasn’t always blissful and treasured. It was actual loneliness. I longed for my kids to come home. I longed for them to call out to me and need me for something. I struggled with what to do with myself and all that time alone.
Now, a few years later, my kids are often gone for long periods of time and I still find that I have lots of time to myself. But now I love it. I treasure it and long for it. What changed you may ask?
It’s more of who changed?
The answer: I changed. Or rather I became more aware of who I was and that changed everything.
You see, before, as a mother in constant demand, so much of my identity was tied up in being a mother and doing things for my kids and the house and others that I really didn’t even know who I was alone. Thus the brief moments alone were nice because they were a break from all of that but also tolerable because they were only temporary. I knew that all too soon I’d be back to the routine of my demanding mother role and being surrounded by others, where I was content and comfortable to be.
So then when my kids were gone for longer periods of time and I wasn’t able to get back to those mothering role demands as quickly, I felt truly alone. I was alone because I didn’t know who I was on my own. I didn’t know who I was without being mom in constant demand. So I had to learn and discover who I am. Not who I am as mom. But who I am as me! Once I learned who I am, it became much easier to actually enjoy being alone.
As my son says, the little philosopher that he is: “You’re never truly alone because you always have yourself.” Put that together with Wayne Dyer: “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re with.” And well…I learned to like the person I was with. I learned to like myself, as myself on my own. So now when I am alone by myself, I am not lonely and I am never alone.
So the key to overcoming loneliness…learn to like yourself for who you are!
Know that your worth and value isn’t in the various roles you take on in life. Be it parent, sibling, friend, boss, employee, or any other such titles we create. While they are all noble wonderful and necessary roles we must assume at times, they are not who we are.
We are divine infinite powerful beings of joy and love!
When you can truly believe that about yourself, then you will never be alone because you will like yourself and always have yourself with you. It’s pretty awesome when you think about always being with divine infinite power full of joy and love! Just think of all you can achieve with that kind of constant power always with you!
Of course being with other divine infinite powerful beings of joy and love is pretty awesome too. And we love and treasure those times when we are able to be with others. However—when we are as comfortable and at peace being alone as we are with others, and always able to be who we are, divine infinite powerful beings of joy and love, then no matter where we are or who we are with—for as Confucius said: “Wherever you go, there you are”–life and all its grand adventures and many challenges truly become treasured moments of bliss.
Living in such blissful moments doesn’t sound like loneliness to me. What do you think?